How to handle conflict and communication in a marriage

When you first decided that marriage was what you wanted, where you and your beloved were to live happily ever after, you might have thought that 'love conquers all'. Well, perhaps ultimately this is true, but only to the degree that you nurture a loving relationship, learn to communicate effectively and manage conflict productively. In any marriage, there are bound to be times when you and your sweetie don't see eye to eye. There will be conflict, if only because you're individuals. People have different points of view and simply won't agree all of the time. Conflict and communication in a marriage is a given. The trick is in learning how to handle conflict in a mature way, as well as developing good communication skills.

Here are a few tips on avoiding some common pitfalls of conflict and communication in a marriage:

1.Pick your battles. Many couples fall into the trap of always needing to be 'right'. If your husband says you're spending too much on clothes, maybe you are! Give it some thought before you start a fight. It's amazing to realize that couples can get into a fight over something that doesn't really matter. This conflict and communication in a marriage issue hinges on money, right? If you think you don't spend too much, you can avoid a conflict with good communication. I try to dress nicely for you, but hey, let me get my receipts for the last three months and see where I'm spending. You may be right. Believe me, he'll be shocked by this approach and you'll have avoided a fight.

2.Which brings us to the 'being right' attitude. Sometimes, one partner may bait the other only because he/she had a bad day and wants to vent on you. Don't let your partner get away with childish ploys like this. As in point 1, you bringing up the possibility that they might be right is a good communication technique. This tactic deflates the conflict factor. Who's so mean that he's going to jump on you with, Of course I'm right? That's asking for trouble. Just as in (other) polite company, a gracious attitude is called for when your beloved suggests that you may be right and will look into the issue. This combination of conflict and communication in a marriage deftly leads to a resolution that's acceptable by both, at which point you kiss and make up, defusing a problem before it even arises.

3.Give this idea some thought: conflict and communication are essentially two sides of the coin in interpersonal relationships. Good communications skills can eliminate the more bellicose aspects of conflict. When a conflict comes up, examine your own motives and end game. Are you just pushing your sweetie's buttons because you're looking for trouble, or have nothing better to do? Oh yes, it happens. Issues which invite conflict and communication in a marriage often grow out of something insignificant which underlies the real issue. If each of you learns to stop using the 'red herring' ploy, you'll have far fewer conflicts and more productive communication.

Conflict and communication in a marriage can coexist peacefully, like two peas in a pod, if you learn to assess the point of conflict objectively and communicate without insulting, belittling or accusatory remarks. After all, this is your beloved sweetie! Communicating can be as simple as a kiss!