The Silly Giveaways to Avoid when Writing a Resume

One of your worst nightmares going in to an interview usually probably includes visions of slipping up so badly somehow, you become a part of the company's urban folklore that is passed around and laughed over for ages. What is worse about writing a resume (and slipping up), is that there is written and documented proof of your slip-up, and they'll never let you live it down. So what exactly do some of those notoriously bad resumes actually look like? What are the mistakes they make? Here goes.

Okay, to start off, this one is such an epidemic that GMail actually has a function for this. It's the 5 second Send delay. Google found out that there were many resumes and other e-mail attachments that senders jumped the gun on. So often, people writing a resume will introduce themselves and, in their cover letter announce that there is a resume attached, and then just press the Send button without actually attaching anything. Most of these people will realize that they forgot the attachment the second they press the button. So Google has this feature where it doesn't really send anything for until 5 seconds after; this way, your hindsight has the time to catch up.

And after you're done writing a resume, make sure you let it cool its heels in your drafts folder for a day or two before you actually use it. Some people send too soon. Some people don't grant themselves the frame of reference a little time can lend them; and they end up saying things like:

"Hi Mike, I'm really trying hard to get a job now; I have my name down with four other recruiters. You don't think they would mind, do you, that I haven't told them?"

How about applicants who think an employer will be flattered to hear how terrible another company was and how they believe this employer will be so much better? Or take this arrogant-sounding line from a resume:

"I have practically run my department at the company I worked at in my previous position. I drafted sales plans, drew up sales budgets and motivated my team to achieve results (and what an untalented team the company hired too). The company never took me up on my offer to run their HR."

Some applicantswriting a resume believe that pandering to a belief systtem is a way to have the inside track. Like this person:

I have a family that supports me through long hours at work. Stress is no issue as my faith in Christ keeps me coping.

How about a touch too much of self-belief, like this person with confidence on steroids when writing his resume:

I am still at college, majoring in retail; but I just thought I would start being in touch to whet your appetite for what is to come. I have no doubt that we'll be on a first-name basis this time next year because there is no way you could turn down a go-getter this driven. I could out-perform my teachers right now.

Of course as a comedy routine, unfortunate grammar and typos top everyone's list. Like the guy who addressed the letter to the Firing Manager instead of the Hiring Manager. F and H on the keyboard are so close.