When Elderly Assisted Living Homes aren't Enough

It can be one of the most heart-wrenching decisions you'll ever make. An elderly father or mother whom you've looked up to your whole life, is finally over the hill; so unable are they to care for themselves , that keeping them at home so that you can personally care for them no longer makes sense. It would bring your own life to a grinding halt, and it would just not be enough. You've tried elderly assisted living, but those places are just there to help with regular everyday needs like going to the bathroom or with everyday meds. For specialized needs, there's nothing you can do but to think of a nursing home. Moving a parent to a nursing home can be extremely difficult even if you can afford the very best ones. As it happens, most families can't afford the very best ones, and the papers and the news are full of terrible reports of the kind of abuse that sometimes goes on in there.

Finding a good nursing home is not just about looking at how clean or new the building looks. The outlook for an old person, in large part depends on how happy and how interested in life they are. The quality of life to be had there depends on whether they have a staff that is interested enough in caring for the elderly; so that the residents would find their stay there engaging enough, happy enough. And it depends on whether the staff know their medicine deeply enough. All this comes down to knowing how exactly to go about finding such a place, and judging it for what it is. Most of the time, the finding is done under pressure; a parent in an elderly assisted living home isn't carrying on well. Everyone's pressuring you to get on with finding a nursing home quickly enough. If you don't move quickly enough, they will just pick some nursing home on their own. And who knows how that will be?

Of course it is unfair that they do this, but they have their own problems. The worst part may be knowing that you will personally be responsible for a large part of the costs. Medicare would really not pay for what they call custodial care. If your parent is admitted in a nursing home, Medicare will only pay for what is medically absolutely required, like therapy or medication. If you're lucky, you have an insurance policy for your parent that covers long-term care, or you have Medicaid. If not, often, you're on your own. It can actually cost $300 a day.

To begin looking, you start with the Medicare website, and use the Nursing Home Compare tool. The government thoroughly evaluates the services provided by nursing homes - health inspections, inmate satisfaction, staffing adequacy, and many others. They rate them with up to five stars. However, there are lots of complaints that the actual quality of life at one of these places isn't really reflected in the star rating. Perhaps the government doesn't do a good enough job with its valuations.

Once you've narrowed it down to a few good ones, it is absolutely essential that you actually visit the place more than once. Nothing can substitute for the immediate feeling you get when you step in. What is that smell like - quality food and clean soap or stale disinfectant and pee? Do the staff everywhere seem engaging and friendly? How clean is the most remote and unused toilet in the building? Do even the important authorities seem available and friendly? Be sure to visit the establishment at least at two different times of the day. If you see relatives of other inmates, make sure you ask them what their experience has been.

One of the biggest complaints with elderly assisted living centers that old people have, is that they feel like they are in some freaking prison that they have to wake up, shower, eat and watch TV according to the house schedule. If you find a nursing home that provides "person-centered care", that's your clue that this is a special nursing home. They make sure that everyone does as they wish. You also want a place that has "consistent assignment". This means that on a more or less regular basis, it'll be the same nurses and doctors caring for your parent everyday. Nothing can be more distressing to an old person living alone, than having a new person in to change their sheets or help them out of bed every morning. Just the fact that a nursing home you find has these two facilities, shows a certain level of conscientious care.