Effective parenting comes from the heart

You've probably heard that parenting doesn't come with an instruction book, which is true enough. There are scores of self-help books on the care and feeding of children, as it pertains to the more 'mechanical' aspects of parenting. From dealing with diaper rash to convincing teens of the merits of good dietary habits, you can find explicit instructions on what to do, what products you should have in your first aid kit and dealing with colds and flus. However, when it comes to issues of a more humanistic nature, such as instilling good values, building character and dealing with a child's individual emotional development, there truly is no definitive text. Effective parenting on this level is essentially a matter of the heart.

Sure, you'll find many books, written by experts in the fields of psychology and child development, but the opinions expressed are just that opinions. Although most of the books are written by professionals, their opinions are influenced by their particular school of thought. From the 'tough love' approach to the most extreme strategies of liberal child-rearing, you might spend your kid's entire childhood trying to figure out which opinion is the right one for your kids. In the end, effective parenting techniques depend on gearing your strategies to each unique child and his or her needs. The outgoing, strong-willed child won't respond to the same method of teaching as will the more introverted, flexible personality of a sibling. This presents a difficult challenge to any parent.

There are certain basics to effective parenting, such as being consistent in matters of discipline, equal treatment, setting good examples and a firm but loving hand applied to all of your responses to a variety of situations. The difficulty lies in making the necessary adjustments required to effectively address the individual child. In this sense, every parent must become each child's personal psychologist.

In addition to the individual personality of each child, you must learn to address the developmental stages, from toddlers right through adolescents on the verge of adulthood. Your job as a parent is to ultimately, step by step, prepare your kids for life as an adult, with the abilities necessary to make 'good' choices, based on sound judgment, experience and values that allow them to succeed as adults. No one can say that there is a magic formula for effective parenting!

Grandparents can often provide you with sound advice, having raised you! However, all parents make 'mistakes' and they didn't have an instruction book either.

Perhaps the best advice on effective parenting is to rely on your love for your children and let your heart lead you. Throughout all the stages a child goes through before reaching adulthood, your consistent demonstration of loving care may well be your most valuable asset to the challenge of effective parenting.